Sunday, December 20, 2009

all i want for christmas

the dirt and grime of london has been cinnamon dusted by the powdery snowflakes. my shiny gold tree is sitting in my room waiting to be adorned. days are filled with bliss nothingness as christmas draws nearer. mulled wine, stuffed turkey and carols. the only thing missing is the boy, the boy who is faraway. just too damn faraway.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It just doesn't feel right

This bliss happiness.

Friday, September 11, 2009

oh my.oh my

the local scene sure has changed. for starters, the place was not filled with underaged kiddos all dolled up, dressed to fool. instead, it was hip rocking, booty shaking girls. the dancers had many fascinating antics throughout the course of the night, with one stripping of her top to reveal an oversized, overly padded bra. the remaining ones on the podium were simulating such vigorous sexual motions and body shaking, i would pity the guy/s they bed. they might just cause him to end up with a chapped genital. wild things.

Women

Lesson : Do not invoke the female fury.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Incubus

it's a funny thing, the subconscious. it captures the nitty gritty detail of the day's happenings and blows it up into one big dream. last night, i saw him pull up beside me. excitedly i rolled down the window and leaned out of the backseat of the crv, waving and calling out. there was a quirky, distorting quality to everything. how young he looked, untouched by the time that has passed, me just as delighted as i would have been to see him. and just like that, it ended. at least i'm not holding back imaginary horses in my sleep.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

7 days and counting

sitting and eating a glorified over-priced tuna sandwich, i sported a long face and felt nothing but sour bitterness. nothing seemed to be going right, from the bloody base of the lemon yoghurt cheesecake that crumbled and fell apart, to having to drive to work in such slow moving traffic that i barely had to graze the accelerator. i'm looking forward to a good game of tennis today. geez, i actually miss the wall in kyuem that i could storm off to whack some balls whenever my blood was set ablaze.

Monday, August 24, 2009

oh how profound.

I don't believe in love. even if i do, i would never want it to be with you. you would tear my heart out, poke a few holes in it, then put it back in. he says to me.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Fragment of imagination

drifting in and out of delirious sleep, i'm not quite sure what was said and what wasn't. what was fact, and what was fiction. the incoherent mumblings were intepreted by my restless mind. my restless mind that was multi-tasking in parallel worlds of reality and slumber, concurrently. outside, lightning struck followed dutifully by the low rumblings of thunder to accentuate my disturbed, perturbed state. was it vulnerability, gibberish or just a fragment of my imagination.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

sound advice

"Do not unnecessarily keep touching your body parts"...briefing on prevention of the H1N1 flu after a colleague was infected.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

just keeping it together

over a bottle of scotch, we explored theories and analysis. the conversation swung from deep and meaningful to childish banter. ahh, the typical night out. i should have been tucked away in bed nursing my temperature and runny nose but hell no, that's not how a saturday night should be spent. now i suffer the consequences.

Payback's a bitch

so from today onwards, i will be a better person.

Friday, July 3, 2009

never will it be easy

finally i got it off my chest. with struggled breaths, trying hard to choke back tears, the words poured out. funny, how willing i am to fight, to change. my impatience would usually get the better of me, but not this time. infatuation sure is addictive. you sure are addictive. damn.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

i'm back

this space has been failing to serve it's purpose. unfulfilling it has been. but now i'm back to scribbling little bits and pieces. hopefully i will be able to keep up at it.

today i leave for kl. it should be a blast. as usual.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It's the new year

and i have grand plans. he comes home today. oh i miss him so. now it is just executing my very grand plans..

Monday, April 13, 2009

Hanad's little affair

my friend, harry the hedgehog ablaze

the tenner buffet@la tasca, of course we did it justice

letting loose the little green fairy, drip drip drip, throw it all in and down

he doesn't seem too pleased, no green fairy yet?

hole in one

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I have been a Busy bee

On monday,
i crankily woke up and trudged to uni to sit for my probability test. later that evening, feeling liberated and totally elated, i donned a dress and headed to mayfair to meet my sponsors. i found myself outside the entrance of the office as it approached 7, bent over trying to yank of my heels and slip my pumps on to facilitate the little sprint i had to do. as usual, i was late. swan lake, the ballet, was due to start at half 7. i sat in the coliseum and watched petite girls with pointed toes and men with chiselled bodies prance and twirl, doing little pirouettes, being so light footed that they could have been cats. to the background music of tchaikovsky, the sad love tale of a prince and doomed princess unfurled on stage.
On Tuesday,
We had a guest from lancaster. Drinks before bed lulled me into sound sleep.

On Wednesday,
I happily strolled around covent garden, trying to kill time while i waited for the fortune theatre doors to open. this time, i was overly cautious and arrived very much in advance. Woman in Black was creepy and absolutely brilliant. the very vocal audience shrieked and screamed as the two man show took us through the death of an old woman in the Eel Marsh House to the fear that grips the little town near it. this play has been running at this very theatre since the time i was born. the boyfriend, frightened out of his wits, gripped my arm tightly throughout. haha.
On thursday,
as the clock approached midnight, the whole lot of us congregated in my room. we hurriedly put together an economics presentation, the final project of our first year. sap and hanad indulged in the only staple food that is constantly plentiful in my room. peanut butter and chocolate on seeded bread. sinful delights.
On friday,
to celebrate the official start of easter break, we had a korean dinner in a place tucked behind tottenham court road. funny that we only discovered this little korean town almost at the end of one year when we frequent that shopping area almost on a weekly basis. the festivities continued in the halls which resulted in a very hungover kuhan the next morning.
On Sunday,
qj and i stopped over in hyde park, hoping to grab a bite in hard rock cafe before we went to the apollo theatre. unfortunately the queue outside was unbelievable. we wound up at the bar instead with two huge , yummy cocktails. and i am not kidding when i say huge. especially since we had to guzzle it down and dash back across the busy roads to get onto the tube. we wanted to catch jason mraz's opening acts, which happened to be a m2m sister and a band from cardiff.
standing in the crowd, feeling the spirit and enthiusiasm of the people around me, the urge to pee was building up just like the anticipation of seeing jason mraz taking centrestage. the cocktail was making its way very fast to my bladder. jason mraz's smooth voice however pushed the thought to the back of my head as he serenaded and entertained. fun fun fun. the laidback jazzy attitude was to die for.mraz's photos courtesy of hweeyin
On Monday,
the boyfriend insisted on having tequilla slammers. so we played articulate with a container of salt, finely chopped lemon and some social lubricants. it was team tequilla vs team sober vs team soberest. and the winners were.....team soberest(dom&i)!!! our little red playing piece leading the pack. before we broke away and did the final sprint leaving everyone behind. wheeee! nothing like a winner to give me a good nights rest.

Monday, March 30, 2009

hangat-hangat tahi ayam...Not!

oh i think this blog celebrates its first birthday this month. i'm impressed with myself.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

time, it just flies

in the past two weeks; i have made pancakes with the bunch. without any experience or recipe we churned out yummy chocolate and cheesey melty little things. i have made my way through the many many bulmers that cluttered my fridge. i have satisfied my craving for good south indian thosai, even though my dulled taste buds could barely handle the spicy chilli-ness. i have trudged all the way to leicester square close to midnight, only to find him wandering the aisles looking rather depressed. to buy or not to buy (an itouch)-he has a U2 special edition classic already. i have gotten off my arse and finally seen my gp. i now have 3 months worth of medication, hurrah!i sat with him in william hill as he took me through the abc's of horse betting. i have slogged through my coursework just so i can laze away my weekends. i have religiously walked up to the gym through rain and shine in my effort to be determined. i have indulged in the sweetest of sweet indian goodies, from ladhus to palkovas to payasam, heavenly. i have attended a session on spirituality and success on my own free will and was really impressed. hmmm...i guess now i know where my time goes.

i lost an hour today

because of the confusion surrounding the start of daylight saving hours, i wound up standing in front of the security guard, hair tousled, oversized t, bathroom flip flops, unbrushed teeth and bleary eyed at half past 12 instead of eleven thirty. stupid stupid stupid. the overnight forms had already been stamped late. stupid. i stood there trying to plead my case to no avail. stupid. i hate silly rules. but i sure am going to miss the halls one way or another when we move out. strangely, it has become home. arghh.

monday blues

i hate sunday nights. i hate sunday nights. oh i hate sunday nights so terribly much. it brings a joyous three days spent reveling in little delights to an abrupt end. the tornado that descends upon my little room packs up and leaves amidst whining and wingeing. i am no longer in the eye of the storm, and the world starts spinning again. oh how dreary mondays are. i hate sunday nights.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

On Articulate

the simplest words can confuse and befuddle me when i'm thinking under pressure. somethings were described in the weirdest ways, with swinging hand motions and exasperated expressions. some of us would just repeat the same sentence on loop while the poor partner would sit miserably on a different wavelength. playing articulate into the wee hours of saturday sure was good fun. some funky descriptions :

" the reverse of fucking".... unscrew (action)
"how well do you know mariah carrey?"......butterfly! (nature)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Down under

every time i see photos of australia; the sunshine, the flip flops and singlets, i wonder what the hell i'm doing in dull, dreary london. for the greater good.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

8 hours of miscalculations later

nothing beats a cold magners when there's faim to be done.nothing.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Les Miz

despite our valiant efforts to be on time, we ended up jogging/running all the way from holborn to the theatre so that we didn't miss the opening scene. side-stepping human traffic all the way, we managed to get there on time.

Les Miserables lived up to its reputation. with a rather male dominated cast and minimalistic props, it evoked just the right emotions at the right times. aimran was actually sniffling beside me as the story drew to an end. another musical, and once again, a very contented me. :D

Monday, March 16, 2009

the dreams,

they just never stop. it's scary how intricate and complex they are. how my mind has sorted out every little nitty-gritty detail with proper rationale and logic. the time lines are sensible, the stories that unfold while i'm deep in slumber have little dots in them. each that can be connected back to my conscious life, disturbingly so. the thought of awaking and facing reality was terribly unimaginable. that's how i managed to sleep 17 hours straight with no trouble at all.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Aimran, at Hi-sushi

"If i ever own a buffet outlet, you guys are the last people i would want there. Even if I had no customers."

Malaysians at heart, we did the sushi buffet justice. No, justice is an understatement.

Friday, March 13, 2009

weeding out a kitchen rat

some sneaky thing/things have been raiding refrigerators that do not belong to them and stealing food from kitchens on floors they do not live on. i hate people who lack a conscience. worse still are those whose conscience slowly disappear with each puff of the magic dragon while their apetite grows by leaps and bounds. that's when food starts disappearing. the lady at the reception desk says she has a bottle of rat poison...if anyone ever needs it.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Monstrous i Am

the apetite has a life of its own. nothing seems to satisfy me enough, i just keep wanting more. i am like a bottomless pit. the only thoughts i have while wolfing down one thing is what can i can have next. i just keep wanting more. oh oh. trouble.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Crazy girl vs Crazy Boy

crazy girl used up 600 free minutes and more in a month. crazy boy blew an ungodly amount of money on champagne in one night. (it is SO ungodly that i can't say how much)
...who trumps who..?
oh and i feel crippled without my phone, something like hanad without his car. it's time for March to come by.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

she's missing

alissa alissa, where art thou?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

this is the end. maybe the new beginning.

to my past,

i am being cruel to be kind. my intention is not to hurt you, never ever will it be. i care for you too much. but for now, there is no other way. i am truly sorry.

to my present,

you have left me in a state of limbo. you swept me off my feet and then brought my world crashing down. you irreversibly shattered my believes into a million tiny pieces. your brutal honesty has left me raw and exposed. i wonder, where would i be now if i had never taken that glass of coke? your lilac mp3 player wouldn't be sitting on my shelf. the little pantry that has grown on my book rack would never have happened. would my choices be different? would my sleep still be sound and deep? the eye bags that have become a permanent feature on my face won't be there.

i have made my decision. *fingers crossed* let's see what the future holds.

xoxo

Sunday, February 22, 2009

hearbreaker.no just heartbroken.

this little heart of mine is capable of loving boundlessly. but sometimes, it just shouldn't. i have made choices, amidst all the chaos of fights on basketball courts, slipping whistles into coat pockets, nasi tomato on high stools and photo snapping frenzies with my loves. i have said goodbye, and let go as gracefully as possible. and it hurts so badly. this is me letting go. this is me trying to love again. wish me the very best.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Horse Whisperer

it captivates me, it really does

Thursday, February 19, 2009

there's so much that i want to say, too much running through my mind. but words just fail me terribly today.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

i told him with confidence that i was testing the waters

but the truth is, i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm not sure if i have gingerly stuck a foot into the deep end or if i have plunged in, head first. i don't know. i just don't know. oh god.

busy-ness

just a month ago, i had no drive or motivation to roll out of bed. my days were filled with sitting at my table trying to consolidate last terms' lectures in preparation for the upcoming progress tests. endless episodes of greys anatomy and sex and the city were the joy and bane of my existence. the halls were so silent you could hear a pin drop (most people were home for the festive season). but now, now...
i don't have enough hours in a day. it has been craaazy. it's a race against time the second i 'm up last week we spent busy in preparation for the kpum-ukec debate competition. losing in the finals was rewarding enough for the effort put in. hy and i could afford to take the whole gang out to dinner on our winnings. *happiness*
this week, it starts all over again. i just woke up from a 4 hour nap to bayar hutang tidur. i'm trying to begin fresh.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

An Open book?

the stranger says that if he were to sketch a caricature of me, it would be

a little stick body at the bottom, with the rest of the paper filled with my over-sized head. i sure have managed to leave an impression.

Monday, February 9, 2009

don't ask

familiarity has an immensely powerful magnetic effect. i gravitate towards it, unwillingly.

reverie

sometimes i wonder if having faith in platonic is the same as believing in Utopia. as much as i want it to exist, deep down, i know it can never. reciprocating and happily ever after, now that's a different case. rare it may be, reality it is. men and women are just wired such.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

i got it, i got it!

finally

heart woes

i see them break as their worlds shatter. the alcohol will never drown your sorrows. it might numb the pain, but just for that fleeting moment. to be able to gracefully let go is a beautiful thing, but almost impossible to do. you must take this giant step forward, there is no other way.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

our kitchen party...it's been awhile

i trudged over to the kitchen on the other side and carried chair after chair over. it was my best efforts at being a good hostess. and guess what, everyone decided they would rather stand around all the seats that cluttered my tiny kitchen. it ended up being a very cramped cocktail-ish party(if you can consider kebabs and dr peppers as delectable finger food, that is)..oh and the rock music blaring over the speakers.
before they decided to vacate the chairs
the anal security guards broke up our little gathering soon after

we transformed my room into a hair saloon

the person who snips, the person who styles and colours and the the person who cleans up. jv and sap had a full blown hair dressing experience in the comfort of my little shoebox.


it snowed and the world took a break

as the gentle snowflakes fell gracefully all night, london was thickly blanketed in snowy white by morning. the icy roads caused most public transport to be halted, classes canceled and people stranded. a one day disruption of the tube services leads to an estimated 48 million pounds loss. with no buses and limited tubes running that day, ALOT of revenue was not generated. the worst snow this place has seen in 18 years.the brother, all the way from down under says "Hey, heard that all you londoners were running around like jakuns, because you lot have never seen that much snow in your life! Ha ha...the rest of the world saw it on tv..."well yeah, undeniable. instead of working, studying, filling our day with the normal routine, there were snow wars, rolling giant snowballs and building snow men. the little surprises life holds. :)

Monday, February 2, 2009

Manchester like never before

Hussaini hussaini, i can't believe you are the eldest of the bunch. 21, Sani man...!

to wake up to the crisp smell of frying anchovies is blissful happiness. to sit down to a round of nasi lemak, hot chocolate and teh o panas is blissful happiness. to laze around, enjoying the comfort of friends who have become family is blissful happiness. to throw on some clothes, make-up and not care about which place we wind up in because the company is all that matters, is blissful happiness. to light up a birthday cake as the skies turn white with the first snowflakes of the year is perfect blissful happiness. i hope you had a blast sani, we definitely did. happy birthday hun!the weekend casualties: an iphone (severely cracked screen), one ear-ring, a body bar stopper ball (rolled off somewhere sometime during the course of the night), one side of a brown glove, and a very wasted hussaini.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

time bomb

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick.


it is incessant. it is certain. it leads to something explosive.

Monday, January 26, 2009

It's time for the red to come out again

chinese new year.

from a massive kyuem reunion, to a city uni dinner in my kitchen. 'twas a good start to a new year. hope all the yee sang tossing works its magic and brings prosperity and luck through our doors.

tomorrow, uni starts its craziness again. i can't say i'm not looking forward to it, just not the waking up in the mornings.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Drunken Art

drawn like a foot rug at the doorway of my floor mate's room. the poor cleaners had to scrub real hard.

Unleashed

After a month of obediently nerd-ing up, exams finally came to a sweet, sweet end. yesterday i woke up with a heavy head accompanied by a queasy stomach after all the partying, and today i wake up to bouts of diarhorrea from last nights' binging. oh well...the food was good, what more can i say.
a pretty pink consumable handbag for johan's 21st. yes even the lipstick and nail polish were yummy.
our guest allll the way from dublin!!
getting in touch with the feminine side. it's never too late, even at 21.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

glass half full.

i was told that life will always resemble the rise and fall of a trigonometric graph function. sinus, cosine, whichever. the climb is exciting as it builds to a peak, and climaxes. but there is always only one way from there. Down. the drop, is scary, depressing and even devastating at times. but hey, look on the bright side. there's only so low you can go. the dynamics, the constant change, that is exhilarating.
calmness has descended upon me. it's about time.

unforgiving it was

today, i had a brush with brutality. flipping the exam paper open, i realised no amount of preparation would have ever been enough. tomorrow might be a better day. i cannot imagine worse.

Monday, January 19, 2009

somethings do change

i suddenly realised that the air of indifference has finally lifted, leaving me raw and exposed.

Friday, January 16, 2009

it's not all about numbers

pahh..maths was a bitch and i'm glad it's out of the way. random formulas are no longer clogging up my thought process creating chaos in this head of mine. on the brighter side, i have my flight ticket to head home for the summer sitting in my inbox. i'm also looking into a short rendezvous down under sometime then. maybe melbourne, canberra, adelaide? hmmm...or just adelaide. it's lovely when time is so dispensable and options are plentiful. *bliss*

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

white flag

my fervent desires are dynamic. today it's ice-cream, tomorrow it's home and nasi lemak. then it's a game of futsal or squash, a trip to bali, non-stop looping of hopeless love songs, it is a stream of never ending wants. sometimes i satisfy the craving and it feels as good as quenching the thirst of a parched, dry throat with fresh glacial water. sometimes, it's just not meant to be. surrendering is the easiest thing to do. my desire, it is never static. it will morph into something more attainable sooner or later.

i think i have stopped making sense.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Eye of the storm

the exam period, a time when a calm that's surreal engulfs me. a sort of break from the everyday beats and rhythm of life. i think i am actually fond of this interval span. it's temporariness is what retains its novelty.

it's one down, five more to go for me. financial and investment maths, was like running a race with a final sprint at the end. exhausting.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Like a piece of stale bread

life is dry at the moment. emotions are brittle and ready to crumble. thoughts are mouldy and fuzzy, clouding judgement.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

How apt

i wanted it to be definitive, not just a work of art. the gentle curves comprised of thick, bold strokes that slowly make way for fine delicate ones. it is the female who can stand strong, even dominate at times, but yet a woman in every way, a lady. the slightly musical and very whimsical etching. it is a flamboyancy of personality. intricate with detail that has been cultivated with time. the creature. it is a flighty, flirty one. shimmering with colours in adulthood, it is mesmerising. black. it is just so, a paradox to the truth. most importantly, it immortalises a balance of youth and maturity. it is me. who i am and who i want to be.

People watching

The eyes, with the speed of lightning, goes from head to toe and back up again, lingering ever so briefly. Is that a sign of immense rudeness?Or should it be taken as a dashing compliment?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's on loop

Over and over again. In my head.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Validation

To be compelled to conform. There. That's the problem. The start of all complications.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

It's Haunting

the notion, though far-fetched, holds infinity in its palms, dreams come true. was it a terribly accurate foresight, those words i uttered for solace without much thought?or was he the clairvoyant one?...funnily, we were both right. a rare occurrence. but now, do i dare take the plunge?haha, of course not. how will i face the music that will follow suit, the questions that will stream in. no, i will just continue toying with the idea, enduring the sleepless nights....untill i see light.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Hello, 2009!~

So much so for a quite night in. Stuffing my face like there's no tomorrow at a sushi buffet, i then joined the throngs of people to watch the fireworks display at the London eye. I have high hopes for 2009.