~Intoxicated~

New Year New Year!

2010-12-20T23:38:00.003Z

With this uneventful year drawing to an end, a brief summary of odd discoveries.

Holidays can not happen, even when all flight tickets and accomodation are booked. Even when you have Euros sitting on your desk. Even when there are additions to your wardrobe for this sole purpose. Simply because, volcanos can blow up. Who would have thought. Trips home are the sweetest ever. Especially unplanned ones. When everything in life is going right, that's the tipping point. Nothing is going to be okay from then on. For awhile at least. I don't have a criminal mind. Which is really not a good thing at all. Working on that for now. I am still running back to the same person when I'm in trouble. The same person I'd run to five, maybe six years ago. And no, I still don't get answers by pouring it all out. That's what I like. Someone who doesn't judge, or at least I'd like to think so. Uni life ends next year, the frightening reality that getting out of bed will no longer be a choice. A summer job in Canary Wharf is beautiful, I should have treasured it a little bit more. I might not be going back there. I trust blindly. It would have been nice if it had stayed that way. Unfortunately, I saw light at some point. Trust has never been easy ever since. No, I think trust has never been ever since. I learn about talking calculated risks. I am yet to put it into practice. I ponder the choices I have. It gets more complicated with age. I will learn patience. Waiting will soon be my specialty. I am tired of fighting, of resisting, of not indulging common sense. This will be my last christmas spent with my nose buried in books. Random. I am looking forward to change. Wheee!

Hello 2011!

When it all falls apart?

2010-12-18T20:57:00.001Z

When I was in colllege, the building started to sink. No joke, the foundation was so poor that the complex of buildings became mishapen with cracks forming unable to cope with the odd angle the building was moving into. So we were evacuated, classes moved to the chalets, our living quarters. The college was rebuilt, revamped, removing many nostalgic memories in the process.

Now, the house i'm inhabiting is starting to sink. Tiles have popped off the kitchen walls, cracks in the dining area ceiling have formed, and one day someone might just come crashing into the kitchen while taking a warm shower above. It's quite funny, sound travels even more efficiently with these new features. Drying off in the bathroom upstairs, you get a very clear blow by blow account of the gossip going on in the kitchen below. Talk about piped in shower entertainment.

2010-05-15T20:24:00.002+01:00

squeezing pimples can be oddly satisfying.

wicked witch of the west

2010-04-27T04:02:00.000+01:00

she should be honored that I have dedicated two whole posts in my otherwise dead blog to her.

she said she would try change, be more tolerant and understanding. oh what a lie. the first of many to come. with the intention to spread hate and dislike as discretely as possible, little did she know that it would backfire with everything being thrown out in the open. the targeted resentful, revengeful path that she went down has forced her to be a recluse in her own home. for good reason. any normal person would want to minimise the general disgust thrown their way. but then again, who ever said she's your average joe.

she who manually counted through a thousand rows of data instead of writing a simple function to extract the information. clearly not normal. and the icing on the cake is, if a superior group was to be formed, she would be part of it. lol. at least everyone had a good laugh about that.

i don't blame anyone for thinking what they thought. if i had heard the things she said, i might have drawn similiar conclusions. at some point, i would have pinned the cause of her lack of conversational skills to being socially stunted, something more forgivable. but no...it was the malicious intent behind her words that has brought her to where she is now. all that effort put into sympathy seeking and pretending to victimised by all parties has gone down the drain. tsk tsk. poor thing.

nobody likes to be a sacrificial lamb in your quest to be liked and adored by the world. hence you have earned yourself the title of wicked witch of the west. which i really think is too kind.

2010-04-26T14:23:00.003+01:00

I wonder if it is proven that high levels of estrogen makes a person soft, weak and highly irrational..?

Well, this is my case study, Young female, appears to be made up of peaches and cream, sugar and spice. Wants the world to think the best of her. Openly discusses her fondness of tickling the boyfriend's asshole(?#!!#!?), the experiment of the boyfriend farting in her face to test her inability to smell(?#!!!????!#?) and how she finds the boyfriend's flaccid penis very 'cute' (?#####!!!!!!!?).

Any normal person would go gasp, gasp and GASP at these things. Not just about the issues, but the sheer transparency in which they are discussed. But, *drumroll* , she cannot discuss matters pertaining a simple piece of rubber, a condom. She throws out accusations when her opinion on the issue is sought, turns on the waterworks(cries, and cries and cries, oh my!) and is unable to justify her finger pointing, despite being given a fair chance to do so. Irrational words flow freely, disjointed and illogical. The interesting point of consideration is, even after sleeping on the matter with plenty of time to clear her thoughts, she believes strongly in her accusations, as it all makes perfect sense and rings true in her little head.

Funny, I wonder if it is just a personality disorder that cause individuals to have a facade of peaches and cream, sugar and spice, when beneath it all, there is nothing really very nice. Or is it caused by the estrogen packed genetic make-up that spurs the underlying devilish nature with little ability for rhyme and reason?

It sure takes all sorts of people to make the world go around.

It could be worse i guess....

2010-04-18T21:12:00.000+01:00

Oh the obscenity of it.

She dampens the spirit of holiday-ing, mother nature. First, she unleashed storms and floods in Rome causing a spontaneous trip to Amsterdam as a replacement. Now she blows up a volcano, indefinitely. Stuck in London I am. No ibiza. In the drawer my bikini shall sit.

Adding salt to the wound. One boy is stranded on this side of the world wanting to get home, and another at home, wanting to get here. What a nightmare.

The terrible obscenity of it.

all i want for christmas

2009-12-20T02:58:00.001Z

the dirt and grime of london has been cinnamon dusted by the powdery snowflakes. my shiny gold tree is sitting in my room waiting to be adorned. days are filled with bliss nothingness as christmas draws nearer. mulled wine, stuffed turkey and carols. the only thing missing is the boy, the boy who is faraway. just too damn faraway.

It just doesn't feel right

2009-12-16T22:15:00.002Z

This bliss happiness.

oh my.oh my

2009-09-11T03:41:00.004+01:00

the local scene sure has changed. for starters, the place was not filled with underaged kiddos all dolled up, dressed to fool. instead, it was hip rocking, booty shaking girls. the dancers had many fascinating antics throughout the course of the night, with one stripping of her top to reveal an oversized, overly padded bra. the remaining ones on the podium were simulating such vigorous sexual motions and body shaking, i would pity the guy/s they bed. they might just cause him to end up with a chapped genital. wild things.

Women

2009-09-11T03:39:00.003+01:00

Lesson : Do not invoke the female fury.

Incubus

2009-09-03T04:27:00.004+01:00

it's a funny thing, the subconscious. it captures the nitty gritty detail of the day's happenings and blows it up into one big dream. last night, i saw him pull up beside me. excitedly i rolled down the window and leaned out of the backseat of the crv, waving and calling out. there was a quirky, distorting quality to everything. how young he looked, untouched by the time that has passed, me just as delighted as i would have been to see him. and just like that, it ended. at least i'm not holding back imaginary horses in my sleep.

7 days and counting

2009-09-02T04:55:00.003+01:00

sitting and eating a glorified over-priced tuna sandwich, i sported a long face and felt nothing but sour bitterness. nothing seemed to be going right, from the bloody base of the lemon yoghurt cheesecake that crumbled and fell apart, to having to drive to work in such slow moving traffic that i barely had to graze the accelerator. i'm looking forward to a good game of tennis today. geez, i actually miss the wall in kyuem that i could storm off to whack some balls whenever my blood was set ablaze.

oh how profound.

2009-08-24T03:38:00.004+01:00

I don't believe in love. even if i do, i would never want it to be with you. you would tear my heart out, poke a few holes in it, then put it back in. he says to me.

Fragment of imagination

2009-08-21T02:23:00.003+01:00

drifting in and out of delirious sleep, i'm not quite sure what was said and what wasn't. what was fact, and what was fiction. the incoherent mumblings were intepreted by my restless mind. my restless mind that was multi-tasking in parallel worlds of reality and slumber, concurrently. outside, lightning struck followed dutifully by the low rumblings of thunder to accentuate my disturbed, perturbed state. was it vulnerability, gibberish or just a fragment of my imagination.

sound advice

2009-08-19T02:45:00.002+01:00

"Do not unnecessarily keep touching your body parts"...briefing on prevention of the H1N1 flu after a colleague was infected.

just keeping it together

2009-07-26T10:35:00.001+01:00

over a bottle of scotch, we explored theories and analysis. the conversation swung from deep and meaningful to childish banter. ahh, the typical night out. i should have been tucked away in bed nursing my temperature and runny nose but hell no, that's not how a saturday night should be spent. now i suffer the consequences.

Payback's a bitch

2009-07-26T10:30:00.001+01:00

so from today onwards, i will be a better person.

never will it be easy

2009-07-03T10:59:00.003+01:00

finally i got it off my chest. with struggled breaths, trying hard to choke back tears, the words poured out. funny, how willing i am to fight, to change. my impatience would usually get the better of me, but not this time. infatuation sure is addictive. you sure are addictive. damn.

i'm back

2009-06-24T04:39:00.003+01:00

this space has been failing to serve it's purpose. unfulfilling it has been. but now i'm back to scribbling little bits and pieces. hopefully i will be able to keep up at it.

today i leave for kl. it should be a blast. as usual.

It's the new year

2009-04-14T00:15:00.002+01:00

and i have grand plans. he comes home today. oh i miss him so. now it is just executing my very grand plans..

Hanad's little affair

2009-04-13T22:14:00.002+01:00

my friend, harry the hedgehog ablaze

the tenner buffet@la tasca, of course we did it justice

letting loose the little green fairy, drip drip drip, throw it all in and down

he doesn't seem too pleased, no green fairy yet?

hole in one

I have been a Busy bee

2009-04-07T22:18:00.010+01:00

On monday,

i crankily woke up and trudged to uni to sit for my probability test. later that evening, feeling liberated and totally elated, i donned a dress and headed to mayfair to meet my sponsors. i found myself outside the entrance of the office as it approached 7, bent over trying to yank of my heels and slip my pumps on to facilitate the little sprint i had to do. as usual, i was late. swan lake, the ballet, was due to start at half 7. i sat in the coliseum and watched petite girls with pointed toes and men with chiselled bodies prance and twirl, doing little pirouettes, being so light footed that they could have been cats. to the background music of tchaikovsky, the sad love tale of a prince and doomed princess unfurled on stage.
On Tuesday,
We had a guest from lancaster. Drinks before bed lulled me into sound sleep.

On Wednesday,
I happily strolled around covent garden, trying to kill time while i waited for the fortune theatre doors to open. this time, i was overly cautious and arrived very much in advance. Woman in Black was creepy and absolutely brilliant. the very vocal audience shrieked and screamed as the two man show took us through the death of an old woman in the Eel Marsh House to the fear that grips the little town near it. this play has been running at this very theatre since the time i was born. the boyfriend, frightened out of his wits, gripped my arm tightly throughout. haha.
On thursday,
as the clock approached midnight, the whole lot of us congregated in my room. we hurriedly put together an economics presentation, the final project of our first year. sap and hanad indulged in the only staple food that is constantly plentiful in my room. peanut butter and chocolate on seeded bread. sinful delights.
On friday,
to celebrate the official start of easter break, we had a korean dinner in a place tucked behind tottenham court road. funny that we only discovered this little korean town almost at the end of one year when we frequent that shopping area almost on a weekly basis. the festivities continued in the halls which resulted in a very hungover kuhan the next morning.
On Sunday,
qj and i stopped over in hyde park, hoping to grab a bite in hard rock cafe before we went to the apollo theatre. unfortunately the queue outside was unbelievable. we wound up at the bar instead with two huge , yummy cocktails. and i am not kidding when i say huge. especially since we had to guzzle it down and dash back across the busy roads to get onto the tube. we wanted to catch jason mraz's opening acts, which happened to be a m2m sister and a band from cardiff.

standing in the crowd, feeling the spirit and enthiusiasm of the people around me, the urge to pee was building up just like the anticipation of seeing jason mraz taking centrestage. the cocktail was making its way very fast to my bladder. jason mraz's smooth voice however pushed the thought to the back of my head as he serenaded and entertained. fun fun fun. the laidback jazzy attitude was to die for.mraz's photos courtesy of hweeyin

On Monday,

the boyfriend insisted on having tequilla slammers. so we played articulate with a container of salt, finely chopped lemon and some social lubricants. it was team tequilla vs team sober vs team soberest. and the winners were.....team soberest(dom&i)!!! our little red playing piece leading the pack. before we broke away and did the final sprint leaving everyone behind. wheeee! nothing like a winner to give me a good nights rest.

hangat-hangat tahi ayam...Not!

2009-03-30T00:05:00.001+01:00

oh i think this blog celebrates its first birthday this month. i'm impressed with myself.

time, it just flies

2009-03-29T23:43:00.003+01:00

in the past two weeks; i have made pancakes with the bunch. without any experience or recipe we churned out yummy chocolate and cheesey melty little things. i have made my way through the many many bulmers that cluttered my fridge. i have satisfied my craving for good south indian thosai, even though my dulled taste buds could barely handle the spicy chilli-ness. i have trudged all the way to leicester square close to midnight, only to find him wandering the aisles looking rather depressed. to buy or not to buy (an itouch)-he has a U2 special edition classic already. i have gotten off my arse and finally seen my gp. i now have 3 months worth of medication, hurrah!i sat with him in william hill as he took me through the abc's of horse betting. i have slogged through my coursework just so i can laze away my weekends. i have religiously walked up to the gym through rain and shine in my effort to be determined. i have indulged in the sweetest of sweet indian goodies, from ladhus to palkovas to payasam, heavenly. i have attended a session on spirituality and success on my own free will and was really impressed. hmmm...i guess now i know where my time goes.

i lost an hour today

2009-03-29T23:37:00.003+01:00

because of the confusion surrounding the start of daylight saving hours, i wound up standing in front of the security guard, hair tousled, oversized t, bathroom flip flops, unbrushed teeth and bleary eyed at half past 12 instead of eleven thirty. stupid stupid stupid. the overnight forms had already been stamped late. stupid. i stood there trying to plead my case to no avail. stupid. i hate silly rules. but i sure am going to miss the halls one way or another when we move out. strangely, it has become home. arghh.

monday blues

2009-03-29T23:29:00.002+01:00

i hate sunday nights. i hate sunday nights. oh i hate sunday nights so terribly much. it brings a joyous three days spent reveling in little delights to an abrupt end. the tornado that descends upon my little room packs up and leaves amidst whining and wingeing. i am no longer in the eye of the storm, and the world starts spinning again. oh how dreary mondays are. i hate sunday nights.

On Articulate

2009-03-22T14:29:00.004Z

the simplest words can confuse and befuddle me when i'm thinking under pressure. somethings were described in the weirdest ways, with swinging hand motions and exasperated expressions. some of us would just repeat the same sentence on loop while the poor partner would sit miserably on a different wavelength. playing articulate into the wee hours of saturday sure was good fun. some funky descriptions :

" the reverse of fucking".... unscrew (action)
"how well do you know mariah carrey?"......butterfly! (nature)

Down under

2009-03-20T11:47:00.001Z

every time i see photos of australia; the sunshine, the flip flops and singlets, i wonder what the hell i'm doing in dull, dreary london. for the greater good.

8 hours of miscalculations later

2009-03-18T23:59:00.001Z

nothing beats a cold magners when there's faim to be done.nothing.

Les Miz

2009-03-17T00:40:00.003Z

despite our valiant efforts to be on time, we ended up jogging/running all the way from holborn to the theatre so that we didn't miss the opening scene. side-stepping human traffic all the way, we managed to get there on time.

Les Miserables lived up to its reputation. with a rather male dominated cast and minimalistic props, it evoked just the right emotions at the right times. aimran was actually sniffling beside me as the story drew to an end. another musical, and once again, a very contented me. :D

the dreams,

2009-03-16T12:31:00.002Z

they just never stop. it's scary how intricate and complex they are. how my mind has sorted out every little nitty-gritty detail with proper rationale and logic. the time lines are sensible, the stories that unfold while i'm deep in slumber have little dots in them. each that can be connected back to my conscious life, disturbingly so. the thought of awaking and facing reality was terribly unimaginable. that's how i managed to sleep 17 hours straight with no trouble at all.

Aimran, at Hi-sushi

2009-03-14T20:05:00.003Z

"If i ever own a buffet outlet, you guys are the last people i would want there. Even if I had no customers."

Malaysians at heart, we did the sushi buffet justice. No, justice is an understatement.

weeding out a kitchen rat

2009-03-13T13:29:00.002Z

some sneaky thing/things have been raiding refrigerators that do not belong to them and stealing food from kitchens on floors they do not live on. i hate people who lack a conscience. worse still are those whose conscience slowly disappear with each puff of the magic dragon while their apetite grows by leaps and bounds. that's when food starts disappearing. the lady at the reception desk says she has a bottle of rat poison...if anyone ever needs it.

Monstrous i Am

2009-03-05T22:06:00.002Z

the apetite has a life of its own. nothing seems to satisfy me enough, i just keep wanting more. i am like a bottomless pit. the only thoughts i have while wolfing down one thing is what can i can have next. i just keep wanting more. oh oh. trouble.

Crazy girl vs Crazy Boy

2009-02-27T14:57:00.002Z

crazy girl used up 600 free minutes and more in a month. crazy boy blew an ungodly amount of money on champagne in one night. (it is SO ungodly that i can't say how much)

...who trumps who..?
oh and i feel crippled without my phone, something like hanad without his car. it's time for March to come by.

she's missing

2009-02-25T14:02:00.001Z

alissa alissa, where art thou?

this is the end. maybe the new beginning.

2009-02-24T12:02:00.002Z

to my past,

i am being cruel to be kind. my intention is not to hurt you, never ever will it be. i care for you too much. but for now, there is no other way. i am truly sorry.

to my present,

you have left me in a state of limbo. you swept me off my feet and then brought my world crashing down. you irreversibly shattered my believes into a million tiny pieces. your brutal honesty has left me raw and exposed. i wonder, where would i be now if i had never taken that glass of coke? your lilac mp3 player wouldn't be sitting on my shelf. the little pantry that has grown on my book rack would never have happened. would my choices be different? would my sleep still be sound and deep? the eye bags that have become a permanent feature on my face won't be there.

i have made my decision. *fingers crossed* let's see what the future holds.

xoxo

hearbreaker.no just heartbroken.

2009-02-22T16:43:00.003Z

this little heart of mine is capable of loving boundlessly. but sometimes, it just shouldn't. i have made choices, amidst all the chaos of fights on basketball courts, slipping whistles into coat pockets, nasi tomato on high stools and photo snapping frenzies with my loves. i have said goodbye, and let go as gracefully as possible. and it hurts so badly. this is me letting go. this is me trying to love again. wish me the very best.

The Horse Whisperer

2009-02-20T13:18:00.003Z

it captivates me, it really does

2009-02-19T00:27:00.002Z

there's so much that i want to say, too much running through my mind. but words just fail me terribly today.

i told him with confidence that i was testing the waters

2009-02-17T19:52:00.003Z

but the truth is, i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm not sure if i have gingerly stuck a foot into the deep end or if i have plunged in, head first. i don't know. i just don't know. oh god.

busy-ness

2009-02-17T19:07:00.006Z

just a month ago, i had no drive or motivation to roll out of bed. my days were filled with sitting at my table trying to consolidate last terms' lectures in preparation for the upcoming progress tests. endless episodes of greys anatomy and sex and the city were the joy and bane of my existence. the halls were so silent you could hear a pin drop (most people were home for the festive season). but now, now...

i don't have enough hours in a day. it has been craaazy. it's a race against time the second i 'm up last week we spent busy in preparation for the kpum-ukec debate competition. losing in the finals was rewarding enough for the effort put in. hy and i could afford to take the whole gang out to dinner on our winnings. *happiness*

this week, it starts all over again. i just woke up from a 4 hour nap to bayar hutang tidur. i'm trying to begin fresh.

An Open book?

2009-02-10T18:25:00.003Z

the stranger says that if he were to sketch a caricature of me, it would be

a little stick body at the bottom, with the rest of the paper filled with my over-sized head. i sure have managed to leave an impression.

don't ask

2009-02-09T14:30:00.000Z

familiarity has an immensely powerful magnetic effect. i gravitate towards it, unwillingly.

reverie

2009-02-09T01:24:00.005Z

sometimes i wonder if having faith in platonic is the same as believing in Utopia. as much as i want it to exist, deep down, i know it can never. reciprocating and happily ever after, now that's a different case. rare it may be, reality it is. men and women are just wired such.

i got it, i got it!

2009-02-05T22:27:00.002Z

finally

heart woes

2009-02-05T03:08:00.002Z

i see them break as their worlds shatter. the alcohol will never drown your sorrows. it might numb the pain, but just for that fleeting moment. to be able to gracefully let go is a beautiful thing, but almost impossible to do. you must take this giant step forward, there is no other way.

our kitchen party...it's been awhile

2009-02-04T13:06:00.003Z

i trudged over to the kitchen on the other side and carried chair after chair over. it was my best efforts at being a good hostess. and guess what, everyone decided they would rather stand around all the seats that cluttered my tiny kitchen. it ended up being a very cramped cocktail-ish party(if you can consider kebabs and dr peppers as delectable finger food, that is)..oh and the rock music blaring over the speakers.

before they decided to vacate the chairs
the anal security guards broke up our little gathering soon after

we transformed my room into a hair saloon

2009-02-04T13:02:00.003Z

the person who snips, the person who styles and colours and the the person who cleans up. jv and sap had a full blown hair dressing experience in the comfort of my little shoebox.

it snowed and the world took a break

2009-02-04T12:37:00.004Z

as the gentle snowflakes fell gracefully all night, london was thickly blanketed in snowy white by morning. the icy roads caused most public transport to be halted, classes canceled and people stranded. a one day disruption of the tube services leads to an estimated 48 million pounds loss. with no buses and limited tubes running that day, ALOT of revenue was not generated. the worst snow this place has seen in 18 years.the brother, all the way from down under says "Hey, heard that all you londoners were running around like jakuns, because you lot have never seen that much snow in your life! Ha ha...the rest of the world saw it on tv..."well yeah, undeniable. instead of working, studying, filling our day with the normal routine, there were snow wars, rolling giant snowballs and building snow men. the little surprises life holds. :)

Manchester like never before

2009-02-02T16:11:00.006Z

Hussaini hussaini, i can't believe you are the eldest of the bunch. 21, Sani man...!

to wake up to the crisp smell of frying anchovies is blissful happiness. to sit down to a round of nasi lemak, hot chocolate and teh o panas is blissful happiness. to laze around, enjoying the comfort of friends who have become family is blissful happiness. to throw on some clothes, make-up and not care about which place we wind up in because the company is all that matters, is blissful happiness. to light up a birthday cake as the skies turn white with the first snowflakes of the year is perfect blissful happiness. i hope you had a blast sani, we definitely did. happy birthday hun!the weekend casualties: an iphone (severely cracked screen), one ear-ring, a body bar stopper ball (rolled off somewhere sometime during the course of the night), one side of a brown glove, and a very wasted hussaini.

time bomb

2009-01-29T22:58:00.002Z

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick.

it is incessant. it is certain. it leads to something explosive.

It's time for the red to come out again

2009-01-26T00:13:00.001Z

chinese new year.

from a massive kyuem reunion, to a city uni dinner in my kitchen. 'twas a good start to a new year. hope all the yee sang tossing works its magic and brings prosperity and luck through our doors.

tomorrow, uni starts its craziness again. i can't say i'm not looking forward to it, just not the waking up in the mornings.

Drunken Art

2009-01-24T12:58:00.006Z

drawn like a foot rug at the doorway of my floor mate's room. the poor cleaners had to scrub real hard.

Unleashed

2009-01-24T12:35:00.004Z

After a month of obediently nerd-ing up, exams finally came to a sweet, sweet end. yesterday i woke up with a heavy head accompanied by a queasy stomach after all the partying, and today i wake up to bouts of diarhorrea from last nights' binging. oh well...the food was good, what more can i say.

a pretty pink consumable handbag for johan's 21st. yes even the lipstick and nail polish were yummy.

our guest allll the way from dublin!!
getting in touch with the feminine side. it's never too late, even at 21.

glass half full.

2009-01-20T18:59:00.002Z

i was told that life will always resemble the rise and fall of a trigonometric graph function. sinus, cosine, whichever. the climb is exciting as it builds to a peak, and climaxes. but there is always only one way from there. Down. the drop, is scary, depressing and even devastating at times. but hey, look on the bright side. there's only so low you can go. the dynamics, the constant change, that is exhilarating.

2009-01-20T18:53:00.001Z

calmness has descended upon me. it's about time.

unforgiving it was

2009-01-20T02:32:00.002Z

today, i had a brush with brutality. flipping the exam paper open, i realised no amount of preparation would have ever been enough. tomorrow might be a better day. i cannot imagine worse.

somethings do change

2009-01-19T14:43:00.002Z

i suddenly realised that the air of indifference has finally lifted, leaving me raw and exposed.

it's not all about numbers

2009-01-16T22:37:00.003Z

pahh..maths was a bitch and i'm glad it's out of the way. random formulas are no longer clogging up my thought process creating chaos in this head of mine. on the brighter side, i have my flight ticket to head home for the summer sitting in my inbox. i'm also looking into a short rendezvous down under sometime then. maybe melbourne, canberra, adelaide? hmmm...or just adelaide. it's lovely when time is so dispensable and options are plentiful. *bliss*

white flag

2009-01-14T18:42:00.003Z

my fervent desires are dynamic. today it's ice-cream, tomorrow it's home and nasi lemak. then it's a game of futsal or squash, a trip to bali, non-stop looping of hopeless love songs, it is a stream of never ending wants. sometimes i satisfy the craving and it feels as good as quenching the thirst of a parched, dry throat with fresh glacial water. sometimes, it's just not meant to be. surrendering is the easiest thing to do. my desire, it is never static. it will morph into something more attainable sooner or later.

i think i have stopped making sense.

Eye of the storm

2009-01-12T18:49:00.003Z

the exam period, a time when a calm that's surreal engulfs me. a sort of break from the everyday beats and rhythm of life. i think i am actually fond of this interval span. it's temporariness is what retains its novelty.

it's one down, five more to go for me. financial and investment maths, was like running a race with a final sprint at the end. exhausting.

Like a piece of stale bread

2009-01-11T21:27:00.001Z

life is dry at the moment. emotions are brittle and ready to crumble. thoughts are mouldy and fuzzy, clouding judgement.

How apt

2009-01-10T14:32:00.004Z

i wanted it to be definitive, not just a work of art. the gentle curves comprised of thick, bold strokes that slowly make way for fine delicate ones. it is the female who can stand strong, even dominate at times, but yet a woman in every way, a lady. the slightly musical and very whimsical etching. it is a flamboyancy of personality. intricate with detail that has been cultivated with time. the creature. it is a flighty, flirty one. shimmering with colours in adulthood, it is mesmerising. black. it is just so, a paradox to the truth. most importantly, it immortalises a balance of youth and maturity. it is me. who i am and who i want to be.

People watching

2009-01-10T14:26:00.002Z

The eyes, with the speed of lightning, goes from head to toe and back up again, lingering ever so briefly. Is that a sign of immense rudeness?Or should it be taken as a dashing compliment?

It's on loop

2009-01-07T23:17:00.001Z

Over and over again. In my head.

Validation

2009-01-06T02:03:00.002Z

To be compelled to conform. There. That's the problem. The start of all complications.

It's Haunting

2009-01-04T14:53:00.002Z

the notion, though far-fetched, holds infinity in its palms, dreams come true. was it a terribly accurate foresight, those words i uttered for solace without much thought?or was he the clairvoyant one?...funnily, we were both right. a rare occurrence. but now, do i dare take the plunge?haha, of course not. how will i face the music that will follow suit, the questions that will stream in. no, i will just continue toying with the idea, enduring the sleepless nights....untill i see light.

Hello, 2009!~

2009-01-01T21:42:00.002Z

So much so for a quite night in. Stuffing my face like there's no tomorrow at a sushi buffet, i then joined the throngs of people to watch the fireworks display at the London eye. I have high hopes for 2009.

Happy New Year!~

2008-12-31T12:50:00.002Z

A household rule, written in stone. new year's eve has to be spent with family if i am back home. it's always dinner and countdown at one of the hotels around kuantan and then some time at the overcrowded beach, usually. this time, i think i will settle for watching the fireworks at london eye from diana's room. it's too much of an effort to bundle up and head out for a party. And this year's resolutions are.......

*drumroll*

Eat less, exercise more. Touch my toes.

let's hope for brighter days

2008-12-30T12:58:00.003Z

he sat slumped, looking slightly defeated. i saw it all through the brief time we spent together. the big 'if' running though his mind. what if, if only. the slight pain and the immense loneliness accentuated by familiarity. he wanted it off his chest. just a few simple words that's so hard to utter, afraid that nobody would understand. but i do. i really do. more than anyone else could. it's something that you and i have had and lost, that we miss.

All good things come to an end

2008-12-30T12:40:00.002Z

boxing day had me spent. jostling the crowds and wading through piles of clothes strewn on the floor i searched for worthy purchases to mark my first post christmas splurge spending. the ridiculously slashed prices lured and tempted me to buy buy buy. trudging home weighted down by shopping bags, we would all gather to parade our finds, even the boys!

but now, all the gallivanting is catching up with me. with new year around the corner, i feel no urge to step out of my room. no desire to celebrate. the pile of work and exams in two weeks has dampened my spirits. *sigh*

All i want for christmas

2008-12-25T12:11:00.002Z

Dear Santa,

I have not been the best this year. In fact i have been rather naughty and slightly obstreperous. But there is one thing i really want. I don't think it will fit in my stockings even if i had one here. But i wouldn't mind it being delivered in a giant gift wrapped box, with some crackers and a bottle of celebratory champagne on the side.

love.

Part 3-France

2008-12-24T23:51:00.005Z

Days 7-10

Somehow we managed to book ourselves into a very ghetto part of france. the elephant and castle of Paris. Garges-sarcelles, that is where we stayed for a night. Just one night, then we packed our bags and left the hood for a nice little hotel near Notre Dam.

The eiffel tower was lit blue, giving it a slightly seedy karaoke lounge appearance from far. As we came closer it was very pretty against the red night sky. Naturally, we went on a photo snapping frenzy. This place is filled with monuments and stunning architecture. One evening spent at the Louvre had me gawking at Picasso's work of modern art, all inspired by Delacroix.

Strolling down Champs Elysees, Louis Vutton beckoned. Everything there is outrageously expensive. 220 euros for a keychain. Hanad says that he will buy a titanium case to protect his LV bag if he ever got one.

Endless paninis, baguettes, cheese and chocolates filled my tummy in france. It sure was one heck of a trip.

Part 2-Belgium

2008-12-24T23:31:00.008Z

Days 4-6

it was dodgy, the coach terminal. shady characters were hanging around. the metro station stank of urine and solid waste. like an animal shed. Thank god the city center was worlds apart.

Deep breath. The sweet smell of chocolate waffles and nutella crepes wafted through the air, tantalising and taunting my bottomless stomach. Bruxelles. Sani with his sharp sense of direction became our tour guide as we explored the city. Going in and out of the cobbled streets we soaked up the sun and snapped tonnes of photos. The manneken pis was very disapointing though, for all the hype about it, i expected a statue taller than a foot-long subway sandwich. But the yummy mussels soaked in white wine and escargots seasoned with peper and salt made up for that.

I wanted to see the atomium very badly, thinking it was a planetrium as well. It turned out to be a product of an expo, very similiar to the Eiffel Tower-with nothing much inside. There was a magnificient view of the whole of bruselles from the highest metal atom-like ball though. But that still didn't justify the 6 Euros entrance fee.

Coach tickets out of Brussels to Paris was sold out the day we wanted to leave. We had to stay an extra night and being the cheapskate students that we are, the 9 of us squeezed into a 3 persons dorm to wait out the hours before our 6 am bus to France the next day. Bonjour Parisj!

Part 1-Netherlands

2008-12-24T22:47:00.004Z

Days 1-3

Deep breath. I took in the crisp morning air. It was laced with the smell of marijuana. Damnnn...i'm in Amsterdam. Staying around the corner from the red light district, the shops that dotted our street sold the quirkiest things. Hash pops, moaning pen holders, vibrators, dildos, booby stress balls, just to name a few.

I finally got to visit Anne Frank's house. Now I can put a picture to the words in her diary that i read as a child. A visit to the coffeeshop before going to her home left me feeling like i was on a swaying ferry ride as i climbed the steep stairs into the hiding den of the Frank family during the second world war. The space cake i had had was really yummy though, top class chocolate brownies.

I was looking forward to seeing what the flesh trade is all about. The legal prostitution in amsterdam is like a magnet that attracts flocks of tourists. Boy, i was not disapointed. Rows and rows of girls in skimpy lingerie sat in windows soliciting customers near Dam Square. I even watched a live sex show with several fascinating acts. One of it had a tall willowy young girl puffing on a cigar with her vajayjay. amazing.

Traffic was insane. The bicycle lanes, car roads and trams routes all interweave. To make matters worse, it's left-hand drive there. I never knew where to look before crossing a road, accidentally jaywalked across cycling paths and into cars, having a few close shaves. The gorgeous sunny days and pretty canals made it hard for us to get on a coach and leave for brussels, the next stop on our 'spur of the moment' planned trip.

it's been a long road

2008-12-18T05:03:00.000Z

but you have made it right till the end.congrats sis!!*muaks*

it's great to have flexibility

2008-12-14T03:13:00.004Z

at this moment i was supposed to be in the airport, about to board a plane. but since the heavens has decided to unleash its anger in Italy, with torrential downpours in Rome and Venice causing water levels to rise 15 feet above normal, i'm stuck in my room. to make matters worse, snow blizzards have been engulfing milan. that's 3 of the main cities i was SO looking forward to on our grand italy tour. waking up to the bad news of riverbanks in Rome that are on the verge of bursting, today has been crazy as we flipped our christmas holiday plans around as much as possible. our laziness has been a blessing in disguise as we left most of our bookings to the eleventh hour, which was supposed to be done today. cancelling the few things we had paid up for, the revised itenary is, AMSTERDAM...wheeee! then Belgium (probably Brussels & Brugges) and lastly Paris. Hopefully we can slit Lyon in somewhere. I can't wait to see what the next 10 days hold for me.

therapeutic

2008-12-13T01:34:00.001Z

retail therapy.

if only there was a panic button

2008-12-13T00:00:00.005Z

some people lack tact so much, i find them rather obtuse. when stupidity reached rock bottom, the only reaction i had was laughter.

the parliament

2008-12-08T02:15:00.006Z

a rare chance, i had a tour of westminster last friday. i always thought that the british held strong to their traditions and the whirlwind guided tour reinforced that notion. the many quirky little traditions that still go on in today's modern world is just, hmmm, quirky. like how a man bearing a black rod has to have the wooden door of the house of commons slammed in his face, just scraping the tip of his nose. this is before he hits the door with his baton 3 times. a peephole in the door will then be opened and someone peeks through to make sure the black rod man is alone and the queen of england is not hiding behind (the royal family never sets foot inside the house of commons because many years ago king charles I had crossed boundaries and over-exerted his power there-making it a no man's land for the royal family)??!!@#$!.. he then invites all the members of parliament to the house of lords to listen to the queen's speech.these MPs will then set off in a sprint to the other hall to secure a good spot for themselves as it can get a little overcrowded....i think we just had a very interesting and slightly over dramatic tour guide. i was also told that the queen is a very little woman, not very tall. just slightly taller than me. so if i had sat on her throne, my feet would probably dangle in the air. geez, i know i am vertically challenged. people never fail to reinforce it.

AIESEC City dances in the Westminster Hall

food, glorious food

2008-12-08T01:51:00.005Z

food has become a key part of my existence. this weekend we cooked up a feast. the menu went something like this.

Starters:
Turnip soup, tempura prawns and salad

Main courses:
Sweet chilli crabs, mussels in creamy white wine sauce, chicken in 5 spices gravy,choi sum, nasi goreng kampung.

Dessert:
christmas pudding, ben&jerrys, mulled wine and mars bars

everything washed down with some budweiser and mental challenges. poor johan, came all the way from Cambridge to unwind and chill, and this is what we subjected him to..

i know where you are :)

2008-12-06T02:27:00.004Z

it's funny what technology can do for you. i have been able to figure out a rough itinerary of lis's india trip even though i have not spoken to her in for an ungodly length of time. and facebook, the ever knowing social network, has nothing to do with this.

From the sidelines

2008-12-05T02:12:00.002Z

i was accused of infatuation prematurely. it was a crime i was yet to commit. maybe their age old wisdom and keen eyes caught the sparks that flew, the chemistry building up. or maybe it was their quick tongues that was always eager to gossip monger. it was juicy. anything involving the new kid on the block always is. being young and naive, i withdrew not wanting to fuel the neighbourhood talk. that was the pivoting point, and i became the pillar of trust. a spectator from the sidelines.

is that what i need...dutch courage?

2008-12-05T00:27:00.006Z

reflection, my greatest flaw. i have a selective memory, only looking back at the good times. i wipe out the times when i have wronged, when i have been hurtful, when i have taken greedily without giving in return. it's scary because i have been trying to dig up old memories, but they have been locked up so tightly i just can't seem to decipher the encrypted code. this soul searching, however, has managed to stir up emotions i have forgotten and long buried. the answers to some questions that have haunted me for so long are slowly being unraveled. my fleeting attention, my flirty flightiness. my inability to hold on,incapability of letting go.

i am being weighted down by guilt. i have giant steps to take to rid myself of this burden. i'm going to right the moral imbalance that has plagued me. never has the time been more right.

F.A.I.M

2008-12-03T00:08:00.004Z

what i learnt in financial and investment maths (f.a.i.m) today.

bees are very smart little things. once they find a stash of honey, they don't actually buzz about randomly but are flying in a pattern, to map out a path for their fellow bees. a specific guide to where the honey laden tree is and this little dance of theirs involves angles, degrees and the location of the sun. they are way smarter than me. random fact, courtesy of sap.

time crawls in faim. well known fact, courtesy of hy.

by next year, i might actually know whats going on in lectures. fact?hopefully. courtesy of dr ben rickayzen.

i'm doing the wrong course. i should be selling ice kacang by the beach in kuantan and be living the life. sun,sea, sand and surf. maybe i should set my business up by the beaches of bali. become old, rich and happy there. fact to be, courtesy of anusha.

freak is back

2008-12-03T00:02:00.003Z

the crazy weirdo psycho cracko loser phone stalker has started again. and the pattern now is my room phone then hy's then mine then hers complete with music in the very faint muffled background. get a life man. you will never know what songs i like.

catastrophy can have a happy ending

2008-12-02T00:35:00.004Z

emotions, it is like glistening snow accumulating on a mountain top. precarious, but beautiful. one day, something cracks and an avalanche happens. it sends you tumbling, reeling, falling, but most of all it hurts and injures you, like hell. and then you never know if you'll ever be the same person again. the memory of the pain can strike a lasting sense of fear and loss, when dislodged from familiarity and comfort zone. it makes me afraid. hopefully i will find the courage to tear down the high fortress that surrounds and shields me and snow will fall gracefully on a peak again, outwitting the tests and tribulations of time.

Learning Excel

2008-12-01T15:40:00.001Z

His attempts at making me computer literate.

If Weight > 50 Then
"Anusha is chubby!"
Else If Weight < 50 Then
"Anusha is hot!"
End If

Spot the error.

Simplicity

2008-11-30T23:40:00.002Z

who says life is complicated. you just make it.

Portobello&GermanChristmasMarket-at-HydePark

2008-11-30T22:56:00.006Z

A fulfilling saturday i would call it, despite me having to drag myself out of bed by half nine, a feat i find too difficult to accomplish on weekdays for lectures.clutching hot starbucks ginger christmas coffee special in our numbed palms, we made our way to notting hill where the portobello market is. this place is like a treasure trove selling everything from antique cameras to wooden racquets to chinese leaf lettuce and garlic. taking a stroll, ooh-ing and aah-ing at odds and ends while continuously snapping photos, we made our way slowly through the crowds. stopping every now and then to fill our rumbling bellies of course. a seafood platter, churros-fried doughy sticks dunked in sugar a chocolate, paella and ghana-ian meals were on the menu. we finally called it a day, loaded with our shopping bags.

the bratwurst and sauerkraut being barbecued the traditional way on a giant pitthe ferris wheel that james thought was the london eye when he was younger and naive...which was not too long ago

in the evening, the whole lot of us decided to crash D's date with M in Hyde Park. the place has been converted into a winter wonderland complete with a german christmas market. a part of it has even been flooded and turned into an ice rink, giving the whole white christmas feel-father christmas who stood in corners and the carols that filled the air simply complemented the atmosphere. james, our half swedish-half german british buddy introduced us to bratwurst and sauerkraut. food, glorious food. a glass of mulled wine and some candied nuts later, we carried little mats up to the top of a tall, curvy slide to come whizzing down!i miss my childhood joys oh so much. it's on days like these that it helps to have a botomless pit for a stomach. after all that excitement, hy and i had a toffee-ed and chocolate coated apple each and then headed to chachamoon for fried carrot cake and singaporean noodles.

i want to go ice skating next!

Desi Roots

2008-11-28T13:22:00.004Z

cheng who insists bhangra is all about screwing the lightbulb. he can actually sing along to punjabi mc!

all hands in the air!

steve trying to pot the jinxed black ball

a fight that almost, but never happened

Saff, totally lost in his zone

I have never been to any of these desi events before. since this one was down the road in elbow rooms, angel, i decided why not. bhangra, i swear, all has the same underlying beat and rhythm. just the lyrics change in each song. but it sure has energy, which i always love :)

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T12:58:00.007Z

for our american friend, who is so far away from home

we had roast with stuffing, wine and dessert. that was my first thanksgiving. the boys spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen, preparing the perfect dinner for the whole lot of us. as we sat around the table, digging into the delicious spread, it came the time for everyone to say a word or two, expressing gratitude and gratefulness. i sat there thinking, my list was endless. but to sum it all up, it boiled down to my loving family and my amazing friends. the people i love who give me a reason to smile.

Three down, one to go

2008-11-27T13:09:00.001Z

congrats sis, yep...one more dr. raj in the family. way to go! i'm so proud of you!*muaks*

jo&lis

2008-11-27T12:39:00.003Z

even though thousands of miles away, josephine makes me laugh so hard. i really miss that little bundle of energy. what i really would want is to be stuck on a boat with lis and jo, cruising down the mediterranean, letting them talk my ears off about everything that has been going on. having one of our unforgettable crazy holidays. damn, i miss our sunday night catching up sessions in college. and lis wandering from room to room starting her sentences with 'Bla bla (anu/hy/jo/sap), I am so depressed'...for no particular reason.

Enigma@paperclub

2008-11-26T23:16:00.004Z

how ironic. the event was called enigma-a puzzling or inexplicable occurence, and that was exactly how the night went, with many blank gaps to fill in, in our memories. like how hanad came home with more than 100 photos in his camera, qj with a cut lip, pictures of random people in the cameras, missing black pumps, oh the list is endless.

the pre-party was at qj's place, champagne and screwdrivers. feeling all warm and slightly fuzzy, we headed down to regent street. having vip tickets let us skip the queue outside and the cloakroom queue. thank god for that, as i really needed the loo and made a beeline for it. it was the weirdest toilet i have ever seen. one sink outside the one cubicle, and inside the cubicle, TWO toilet bowls. i go back and report this to hanad, who promptly replies 'yalaa, you girls love to do everything together. now u can shit also together'...ewww!

the drinks were flowing freely, the music was pumping and the crowd was vibrant. that made my night. since it was a malaysian-singaporean thing, the bumping into random old friends that i haven't seen for quite awhile added to the fun.

the getting home part was the most hillarious. hy and diana were in charge of a zoo and pracitically herding animals back. with justin sprinting down the street (in the wrong direction of course), me crossing roads without looking, darren screaming in cantonese to qj, terrence just gone. superstrong hanad suddenly decided he misses the gym and picks me up as weights and starts running back. today his muscles were aching-must have pulled something somewhere!

once again i ended up crawling into bed in the wee hours of the morning, exhausted and still bundled up in my jacket and scarf with bodytape still on...i think the cleaners were rather amused to see me emerge from my room at noon in a little black dress, hair toussled, make-up intact to use the toilet.

already in the spirit of christmas

2008-11-25T11:53:00.004Z

every day i come home determined to get some work done. too bad it never happens.

we had a riya monday last night. i am not kidding, riya is a goddess. she whips up the wickedest meals for us monday after monday. yesterday it was spare ribs and fried rice. the whole kitchen was then transformed into a mini starbucks, with james serving his delicious concoction of marshmallows dipped in hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream crumbed biscuits and flaked choc. all this with jolly christmas songs playing in the background, and us discussing our soon to be held thanksgiving dinner. of course a little dancing on the side too.

last night we even managed to book our train tickets back from france. it's almost official, italy and france....here i come!!!wheeeee...and my holiday spree continues for this year!

sorry

2008-11-24T01:56:00.002Z

to say that i'm disappointed, it will be an understatement. yes i am slightly hurt. no, i'm very hurt. you always told me you would do this, that it was just your defense mechanism kicking in. i always thought you would change. i laughed, i even scoffed at your valiant efforts in the beginning. but now, i see that i'm the on the losing end. we both have lost our battles. gone is something that was so beautiful. but letting go means letting go completely....you know i know you're reading this.

partying up

2008-11-22T19:06:00.006Z

i had my doubts about the boat party, an AIESEC all-london social. deciding to go at the eleventh hour, i'm glad i did. cruising down the thames, passing the twinkling nightlights of london, sipping wine and dancing as the high tide swayed the boat gently from side to side, it was fun. the dresscode was orange,black&white-and my my, the crowd sure was creative.

before i knew it, the boat had docked and we were back in embankment. off we were, straight to holborn to drag hammie out of bed for his surprise birthday party. that sleepyhead turns 20 today, while gene turns 21-happy birthday u two!

miss independent, by sani

2008-11-22T17:54:00.005Z

i received a little prezzy all the way from manchester today.oh boy, sani your voice is amazing..and it's making me miss you even more. ..i couldn't upload the mp3 here, so i decided to add a little touch of mine..

sani, you're a born star!